Frozen
by Draic Kin of the Balance
Summary: AU. Ethan and Lena are forever torn apart by tragedy.
1. Frozen

**Frozen**

By CasterChroniclesLover

* * *

"_I can't feel my senses_

_I just feel the cold_

_All colors seem to fade away_

_I can't reach my soul_

_I would stop running, if knew there was a chance_

_It tears me apart to sacrifice it all but I'm forced to let go_

_Tell me I'm frozen but what can I do?_

_Can't tell the reasons I did it for you_

_When lies turn into truth I sacrificed for you_

_You say that I'm frozen but what can I do?" _

_ —Within Temptation, _Frozen

* * *

"I need you to promise me something, Ethan," said Lena Duchannes. Tonight was the night of the Sixteenth Moon, and Lena—the girl I loved—would be Claimed for either the Light or the Dark.

"Anything, Lena," I murmured, our eyes meeting. I gazed into her beautiful green eyes, drinking in her features. I would always remember like this: with breathtakingly stunning jade eyes, long raven black curly hair that was softer than silk, and a touch that in every sense of the word ignited sparks between us… No matter what—even if she became Dark—I would love her. I would _always _love her. Nothing could ever—would ever—change my feelings for her. I knew we had no chance for a future together, even if she was Claimed for the Light. Mortals and Casters were incapable of physical intimacy with each other; nobody knew that better than Lena and me.

"Promise me that when I become Dark, you'll leave," she said, tears brimming in her eyes and spilling over. "Promise me that you'll leave Gatlin and never come back. Forget about me." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. There was no goddamned way in hell that I would leave Gatlin, let alone forget about Lena.

"No. _No_," I said firmly. "I'm staying here with you." I reached for her, gently taking her face in my hands. "I love you, L, and I'm not leaving you."

"I don't want to hurt you more than I already have," she responded.

"You won't, you won't," I desperately reassured her. "You're going to become Light, and…and we'll figure this out. We'll find a way to be together." I knew I wasn't only trying to convince her that everything would be okay; I was trying to tell myself that everything would be okay. Just as I had done when my mom had died. But I knew that as much as I tried, it would change nothing. _Nothing_ was okay. I couldn't lose Lena, I just couldn't. I'd lost my mom, and I didn't know what I would do if I lost the woman I loved.

Lena choked on a sob, and I found that I was barely fighting tears of my own. "You have no idea how much I wished that were true," she said quietly, and quickly wiped her tears. "I love you, Ethan Wate."

"I love you too, Lena Duchannes," I said just as gently. "I always have, and I always will." I pulled her into my arms, kissing her fiercely. I could taste her tears and feel her slight shudders as she tried not to sob. Lena bit my lip, gently tugging at it. It seemed we kissed for hours, until Lena suddenly shoved me away from her.

"Ethan, get out of here! Get away from me now!" she shouted. She let out a gasp of pain, leaning against the tree, a hand at her heart. I was frozen, rooted to the spot, paralyzed by fear and worry. I didn't even have to look into the sky. I knew a pale full moon hung above us. Lena let out a piercing scream that was drowned out only by the music of the party, before she let out a deep breath.

"Lena?" I asked, slowly making my way over to her. "Lena, are you okay?" She cocked her head to the side and smiled, opening her eyes and looking directly into my eyes.

"I've never been better, Ethan," Lena answered. Oh my God…no, no, no, no, _no_! Her eyes were no longer emerald, but a striking gold. "You have no idea what it feels like. I feel like I have all the power in the world." She chuckled darkly. Her laugh sounded just as beautiful as it did before she was Claimed, but it had a dark, malevolent twist to it now. It was Lena, but at the same time, it wasn't Lena.

"L, listen to me. It doesn't have to be this way," I said, trying to reason with her. "This isn't you." I drew towards her, and she advanced towards me.

"You never knew me, Ethan," she spat. "The Lena you knew is dead. This is who I am now." A lightning bolt suddenly struck, just mere inches away from me. I jumped back, startled.

"No, it isn't," I countered. "I know you. You're smart, funny, one of the kindest people I've ever known in my life. You're a force to be reckoned with." I took another step towards her, and she stood her ground. "Your favorite book is _To Kill A Mockingbird. _You keep a journey full of poetry. Your necklace keeps your best memories close with you. Your biggest fear is becoming Dark."

"I_ am_ Dark," clarified Lena. "Ethan, please. Leave now while you still have the chance." Her voice slightly wavered when she spoke. I gazed into her eyes and said the words that she needed to hear, the words I needed to say.

"It doesn't matter to me," I told her, "because I love you, Lena." At those words, her cold, steely eyes softened and I held her in my arms, brushing my lips against hers. She didn't fight me, nor push me away. We broke the kiss and for a moment, I thought I saw the old Lena, the Lena I had dreamed about and fallen in love with.

"I love you too, Ethan," she whispered. My heart swelled and broke at these words. It was a miracle that Lena still loved me, but things were different now. She was a Dark Caster, and all chances of us being together had been destroyed. She stepped out of my arms and slowly walked away, taking her heart with her.


	2. Dear Agony

"_I have nothing left to give_

_ I have found the perfect end_

_You were made to make it hurt_

_ Disappear into the dirt_

_ Carry me to heaven's arms_

_ Light the way and let me go_

_ Take the time to take my breath_

_I will end where I began_

_And I will find the enemy within_

_Cause I can feel it crawl beneath my skin_

_Dear agony_

_ Just let go of me_

_Suffer slowly_

_Is this the way it's gotta be?_

_ Dear agony._" –Breaking Benjamin, _Dear Agony_

* * *

So, this was how it ended. Lena became Dark, therefore ruining any chances we ever had of being together again. I felt as if I'd been punched in the gut. I couldn't process what had just happened. I had forever lost the woman I loved to darkness. I shook my head and quickly got out of there, heading back to Wate's Landing. I didn't want to be around the party, where everybody was laughing and dancing and having a good time. I needed to be alone. When I arrived at the doorstep of Wate's Landing, I took a deep breath, trying to compose myself. I opened the door to find Amma standing before me.

"You're home early," she said and I stepped inside. "Ethan Lawson Wate, tell me what happened," she said gently, noticing my pain.

I couldn't keep it in; it hurt too much. "Lena's Dark," I answered, my voice shaking. "I was there when it happened."

"I am so sorry," murmured Amma, pulling me into her arms. I returned her embrace, burying my face in her shoulder. The tears I'd been fighting finally spilled over, and quietly, I began to sob. Losing Lena hurt so much more than I thought it would. I thought I'd never experience this kind of pain after losing my mom. It was a crippling, overwhelming pain that I couldn't describe. We'd only spent a few months together, but in those few months, our lives had changed irrevocably. I'd give anything to change the cards so she would be Light and we could be together again, but those were only a fool's dreams.

Lena was lost forever, and there was nothing I could do. I knew that much now; our confrontation after her Claiming was proof, but I wouldn't give up on her. I refused to.


	3. My Heart Will Go On

"_Every night in my dreams _

_I see you, I feel you, _

_That is how I know you, go on _

_Far across the distance _

_And spaces between us _

_You have come to show you, go on _

_Near, far, wherever you are _

_I believe that the heart does go on _

_Once more you open the door _

_And you're here in my heart _

_And my heart will go on and on _

_Love can touch us one time _

_And last for a lifetime _

_And never let go 'til we're gone _

_Love was when I loved you _

_One true time I hold to _

_In my life we'll always go on _

_Near, far, wherever you are _

_I believe that the heart does go on _

_Once more you open the door _

_And you're here in my heart _

_And my heart will go on and on _

_You're here, there's nothing I fear, _

_And I know that my heart will go on _

_We'll stay forever this way _

_You are safe in my heart _

_And my heart will go on and on_." –Celine Dion, _My Heart Will Go On _

* * *

I could feel it. I could feel my power coursing through my veins as I walked through Gatlin. I felt that I could do anything. I was the most powerful Dark Caster, and anybody who got in my way would pay with their lives. I had only spared Ethan because…because I loved him. Even now, I still loved him. I had come dangerously close to harming him, and I didn't want to do that again. I closed my eyes and quickly murmured a Cast.

"I'm sorry, Ethan," I said softly, "but this is for the best."


	4. Born to Die

"_Don't make me sad,_

_Don't make me cry._

_Sometimes love is not enough_

_And the road gets tough,_

_I don't know why._

_Keep making me laugh,_

_Let's go get high._

_The road is long,_

_We carry on,_

_Try to have fun_

_In the meantime_." –Lana Del Rey, _Born To Die _

* * *

I pulled myself out of Amma's embrace, wiping at my tears. Tears? What had I been crying about? What the hell had happened? "What just happened?" I asked her. Her brow furrowed in concern.

"…What do you mean?" she replied, answering my question with a question. I had barely formed a thought when it seemed that she knew what was going on with me. Her facial expression was alarmed.

"Amma…," I began slowly, "I think you know what's going on with me. Tell me." She let out a sigh of—what?—sadness and hopelessness.

'You lost someone you loved very much," she said slowly. I was confused yet saddened at the same time. I'd lost my mom, and now someone else I cared about.

"I did? How? Who was it?" I pressed.

"Her name was Lena Duchannes," she continued. "She was lost to forces beyond our control." I felt a tear run down my cheek. "She loved you, and you loved her."

"Why is it that I can't remember her?" I queried.

"When you lost her, you were so sad that you blocked it out from your memory," Amma answered gently. "It's okay to miss her." She kissed my forehead and I sat down on the stairs, trying to conjure up a memory—_anything_—of the girl named Lena Duchannes.

Nothing.


	5. National Anthem

"_It's a love story for the new age_

_For the sixth page_

_We're on a quick, sick rampage_

_Wining and dining, drinking and driving_

_Excessive buying overdose and dying_

_On our drugs and our love and our dreams and our rage_." –Lana Del Rey, _National Anthem _

* * *

"Come on, Lena!" Ridley called over to me. "Gatlin is in your past now. Sarafine and the world are your future." I hurried into her car, closing the door once I was in the passenger seat. I didn't realize I was crying until my cousin asked me, "Lena, are you crying?" Quickly, I mopped my eyes with the back of my hand, dashing away the tears.

"I'm fine, Ridley," I said, and she looked at me skeptically. Her doubt was written all over her face. She knew me better than I knew myself, to be honest. She sparked the engine and we sped out of Gatlin.

"Cuz, what's bothering you?" she pressed.

"I…erased Ethan's memories of me after my Claiming," I admitted. "I never thought it'd be hard to leave him behind now."

"You still love him," Ridley noted. She sighed. "It's time for you to move on. I have." She said her last words very curtly, which made them sound unsympathetic.

We passed by the local Gatlin sign, leaving behind everything I'd known and once loved.


End file.
